I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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