He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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