mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
