My girlfriend figured out who you are.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
