Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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