what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
