Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
