Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
