I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
