i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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