his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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