Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
