apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
