There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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