turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
