there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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