what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
