I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
