you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
