afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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