Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
