Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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