First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
