I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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