threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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