just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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