No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
