Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
