wat bout pragnant strippers??
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
