4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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