I accidentally had phone sex last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
