When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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