I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize