Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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