How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
