why didn't you poke me back
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
