I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Drake has all the answers
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
