I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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