My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there's paper in my vomit.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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