Say something about gay babies.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
