Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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