that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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