why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
