Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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