you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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