I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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