You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
