I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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