I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
