how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
