ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
