i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
