Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
