I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
