worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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