Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
