you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who died my cat blue again?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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