I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
