i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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