Going to get a "plan B"urrito
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize