big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
