Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
