is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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