I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
