Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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