barbara walters just said penis...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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